South Florida Wildlife, Part 2

AWESOME! Super-Lizards and Super-Snakes! This is going to make a great movie! Kind of like this one:

You should always wear white at night

A cute comic from Carol Lay on Salon.

"So why do you want to be a model again? For Jesus." OR "We're going to save the world!" OR "I'm only getting loving-er"

Just watched the premiere of America's Next Top Model Cycle 13, oh no, sorry, Le Cycle 13, since Tyra is choosing to speak with a French accent throughout the episode for some bizarre, unknown reason. Every time a new season is about to start I always plan on watching and promptly forget until one day when I'm home doing 6 loads of laundry and they're running an ANTM marathon on TV.

So I finally got with the program and watched. Online. A few days after it aired.

Holy Crap is this an amazing show.

Tyra: NUTS! I love her!

And then there's all these awesome girls!

Like Amber, who, unfortunately, had to drop out "for personal reasons" before the show even started. She loves Jesus, so much in fact, that she wants to be a model for him because he wants her to save the world. She booty dances for the homeless on Friday nights. She is like a virgin because she hasn't had sex for two years. And she has the CRAZIEST catwalk and poses!



Then there's my other favorite: Nicole. She takes a rusted wheelbarrow to school instead of a backpack. Because she was into William Carlos Williams? She's quiet and completely emotionless (except for when the giant stretch SUV limo pulled up and J popped his head out the window). Also, her nickname was Bloody Eyeball (look for the explanation of that around 1:41).



My last favorite is Laura. Not 'cause she has any sort of crazy, but because she's from a farm in the South and she's just fucking awesome. She castrates bulls for a living and says it with such a sweet Southern accent!


And this "upper middle-class girl" may be nice and all (since at the age of 19 she has already lived on a sheep farm somewhere, and then spent 3 months backpacking through the South Pacific and - oh no! - had to buy herself a plane ticket to Chicago for the casting with her dad's credit card since she currently lives in Costa Rica. Oh, the lives of the rich are so difficult! The conundrums!) but I just can't stomach the waves of rich hippie rolling off of her.


God, I'm such a hater.

"Miami Man Loses His Manhood and Fights Back in Court"

There's all sorts of things that are wrong wrong wrong about this article. Feel free to count them up like a Highlights magazine all on your own.

Life During Wartime

So this new movie that just premiered in the Venice Film Festival, Life During Wartime, is supposed to be good and is set in Miami, although ACTUALLY filmed in Puerto Rico (WTF?).

It's sort of a sequel to Happiness and also involves Welcome to the Dollhouse neither of which I've seen. And the way it's described is interesting, but I couldn't watch even a minute of this making-of video which features the director because he's so damn boring to listen to, so I don't know what that means for the movie. Maybe his movies should just be seen but he should not be heard? Somebody else watch it and let me know.

LooOoOOoOoooOoVE

You can find so much happiness in a 99cent

Thank you, Jezebel, for making us aware of the 99cent weddings!

Initially this woman was identified as being homeless and participating in this special 99cent wedding sponsored by the 99cent store. AWESOME.

Turns out she's not homeless though. Whoops.

99cent wedding? Still awesome though.

Two Words

Two words: cupcake crash


Two words: "blood (artist's)"


Two words: new rule

UPDATE:
Two words: no duh!

Dedicated to the South Florida Wildlife

Was anyone aware that while the Cat Killer has been getting all the press when it comes to animal murder, someone has been going around killing horses?? They think someone is killing them for their meat ... gruesome pictures here.




Also, looks like the Lincoln Road rooster guy is getting help from Miami Beach mayor Mattie Bower. He was told that he'd have to get rid of Mr. Clucky and Mr. Clucky's girlfriend Wallflower after complaints from neighbors about the crowing. I have it on good authority that he's packed up and left town for a little while, rooster and hen in tow, but in the meantime, the Mayor has asked the city to make an exception for when he comes back.



So the above happened a long time ago, but I never heard about it. CRAZY!

I'm a Barbie Girl...

I can't believe Mattel is really behind this ... it's such a joke!

Eventually, we all fall into the Gap

So I'm trying to find out why they say corn is bad for you and if it's better for you to eat it raw or cooked and I found this:



Who cares if it's good for you or not?! Kitten! Eating corn!!

I just saw these great pictures from a Southern Belle Swing Bash in Atlanta and besides wondering why we don't have something like that here, I'm wondering, was anyone else into swing music/fashion back in the 90s? Because if we're really doing scrunchies again, as this girl is so enthusiastically assuring me:



Can we also re-do swing?



Remember the awesome scene in Swingers (favorite movie after West Side Story...) when Mike finally meets Lorraine and they dance?!



Which reminds me that the Gap used to have that awesome Khaki Swing commercial:



which was part of a whole series of khaki dancing commercials in the late 90s.











And the awesome singing commercials from the same time.







That's it. I'm bringing khakis back. AND this has officially become a post dedicated to The Gap. I used to shop at the one in Town and Country Center in K-hole (after stopping into the Sanrio store and lunch at Cafe Tokyo: my first sushi love. No other Japanese restaurant will ever compare to their black-and-white checkerboard floors, neon pink lighting, awkwardly-shaped booths, Japanese pop, kitschy souvenirs and cheap cheap food) because, since no one went to Town and Country, everything at that Gap was always on sale. I think 90% of my wardrobe came from there, including (!!!) this amazing little red embroidered bag that I wore everywhere, all the time from 1995 until 2001, seen in this (horrendous) picture from Grad Nite'01:


(You really can not have any idea of how thrilled I am I was able to find a picture of this bag for this post.)

Anyway, the Gap was great - lots of basics, but still plenty of fun items like that bag. They also had tons of scarves and cute socks. Everything was sort of classic, sort of nondescript. It's not like you walked around in a new Gap shirt and everyone knew immediately where you had bought it. It was just the epitomy of cool, chic, relaxed and put-together. Nothing was too expensive and there was a variety of sizes that fit properly - which, if you shop at stores now, (*ahem ahem* Forever 21, Urban Outfitters) you realize what a luxury that was. And remember the perfumes?! Grass, Om, Dream, Heaven???? I loooooved the turquoise-hued Heaven.

And then, in 2000, they came out with the Mike Mill's West Side Story commercials. You see how this all comes full circle?



There were two more - one to "America" and one to "Mambo" but, alas, those two are not as easy to find as the picture of my awesome red purse.

The sad thing is that at some time during my high school years, I worked at Old Navy (ughhh Sunset Place) for one week. On the seventh day, Sunday, I decided I needed rest and therefore decided that I didn't really need to go to work at 7 a.m. for cash register training. The manager called my house around 8 a.m., waking up my dad, who came and woke me up. I don't remember the conversation too well, because I was half-asleep, but I think it went something like this:

"Claudia, are you aware that it is now 8 a.m. and you were expected to be at work one hour ago?"

"Yeah."

"Do you have a reason for not coming into work this morning?"

"I didn't want to wake up."

"Are you planning on coming in today at all?"

"No. I don't think so."

[sputtering]"Are you aware that if you do not come in today we will have to FIRE you?"

"No, don't worry about it, I quit."

"I have to tell you that you will not be able to ever work at another Old Navy, Gap, or Banana Republic."

" ... "


I guess that's around the time my love affair with the Gap ended.

Which is why I remained unaware of this AWESOME commercial until now:



I don't think I like the all-new Gap.

Body parts in bags, Nazi donuts

Real-life Dexter episode for those of you sitting around biting our fingernails till the new season starts! (omg just hearing the theme music makes me giddy...)

So you saw Inglourious Basterds right? Want more Nazis to laugh at?

Papers (2009) - watch more funny videos

A true celebrity ...

I can't believe I hadn't shared THIS with you all yet! What was I thinking?? Please notice that the page's icon appears to be Hello Kitty. This guy has achieved true celebrity status among us at work. His blog is beyond crazy and most of us are still unsure whether he is a real person or not. I mean, his Myspace album is full of crazy photos like the one above, and then crazier photos like the one below where he put all sorts of effects. Unfortunately, you can't see it here, but this one flashes a big purple heart over his face:


There's also a bunch of animated pictures of some black guy, a bunch of pictures of naked/half-naked girls, and then this sort of randomness:



Real? Not real?

Pregnancy-Chic

Thank god for On Demand. If it wasn't for On Demand, I don't think I would ever watch TV, because really, it's all about ME and when I want to watch TV. Also, it helps me feel better about the amount of TV I watch. Somehow the fact that I'm not a slave to TV schedules lessens the whole "rotting your mind away" stigma.

So I finally got around to Project Runway's second episode tonight and I see that Lifetime really is intent on convincing me that they are the worst channel ever.

Malvin, my other favorite, got auf-ed.

because he was "too conceptual for America" and made this whole chicken-and-egg-bird-nest-and-feather fertility thing:


At least he avoided his desire to create "chicken thighs" and gave the model straight leg pants instead of jodphurs.

I actually didn't find any of the outfits to be especially bad ...

And I DID agree with the judges that Shirin's was the winning design:




I also really loved the other top design:


But now the two most interesting designers are out ... what's left?

Pointless eco-stunts, Inspiring sailing stunt

Have you noticed the rash of books featuring "eco-stunts" as Elizabeth Kolbert writes in the New Yorker? You know what I'm talking about. Books that combine "projects" or "challenges" (Julie/Julia anyone?) with green themes like not buying any plastic at all for a year, or not using any fuel. Kolbert exposes just how silly the whole trend is in an interesting and short read:

"Renunciation sets them apart and organizes their lives in the name of some higher purpose. The trouble—or, at least, a trouble—is that it’s hard to say exactly what that purpose is."



13-year-old Laura Dekker is trying to become the youngest person to sail around the world solo after 17-year-old Mike Perham just finished the trip today. However Dutch authorities where she lives do not want to allow her to make the trip. At first I thought good for them, what the hell is wrong with this girl's parents? But her parents fully support her and feel confident that she can do it since she was born on a sail boat while they were sailing around the world and lived the first four years of her life on a boat. She recently sailed by herself from the Netherlands to England, where she was taken into custody and her father was called. Her father didn't want to come get her, stating that she was perfectly capable of sailing back home herself (he did, eventually, fly to England and sail back home with her). I kind of think that she should be allowed to do it ... why the hell not?

Do you suffer from "inadequate or not enough lashes?"

Does that sentence make you want to throw up in your mouth a little? Maybe because the last thing you need is to worry about your EYELASHES, since you already have your muffin-top and your cankles to worry about? Maybe because you can't handle bad grammar?

Well, relax. Because Brooke Shields is behind it. So it MUST be ok.

Techno Viking

Recently brought to my attention ... The Techno Viking who protects innocent blue-haired ravers.

Capucine

Do you need to feel some happy Amelie-like love right now? Of course you do. Everyone does. So I present to you: Capucine. Enjoy!

Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

Please Save West Side Story from the clutches of MTV

It's no secret: I Love West Side Story and I thought I'd love to see a remake (Baz Lurhman maybe? It would be like combining Romeo + Juliet with Moulin Rouge!) However, after watching this, I realized what a remake would mean and I hope to god no one ever, ever, makes one. But of course, this is probably a sign that it's going to happen.



(WTF is Katy Perry doing?)

Halloween : A League of Their Own

It's that time of year again!! Time to start thinking about what to wear for the best holiday ever HALLOWEEN!

First idea? A League of Their Own. How cute would it be to wear one of those baseball dresses? It appears to be very difficult to find though. Bummer.

Today's words of wisdom, courtesy of the Sniper Sex Therapist

"Men need to be spanked. Like dogs. That's what they teach women at the seminars. Only 1 percent know how to treat women right. I should know. I'm a teacher."

Helping the Environment. You're welcome.

The only thing I really knew about Julia Stiles is that she looks EXACTLY like one of my friends. Only with blonde hair.

But apparently, she's really awesome because she's decided to become a designer!

World's first cocaine bar

Route 36 is like the whole secret supper club trend, except there's cocaine and jenga. Not food.

Carlito Alvarez: Update

The Herald published a story today about what the commissioners think about the Alvarez crew pay raises.

Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez feels backlash over raises

"If you want to share a banana-free breakfast taco, let me know"

From passiveaggressivenotes.com



one comment:

"She has a pinky ring, is a jogger, owns a terrier, and is cocky enough to offer sharing a scone with her as though being in her presence alone was some sort of gift. All the hallmarks of a cute chick. I’d go for it."

Other comments point to the possibility that this could be a knock-off of some guy named Craig in Australia who is AWESOME. PLEASE go look at the gallery of his posters they're awesome awesome awesome. Here's one:

Don't you want to be "FBBFs 4EVA" with Carlito Alvarez??

Over on Riptide 2.0, the Miami New Times blog, the Banana Republican points out some budget shenanigans in Mayor Carlos Alvarez' office ...

For various reasons, I'm withholding comment.

But here are some links for you all to peruse:

Most County Executives Safe from Budget Cuts

Carlos Alvarez Won't You Please Be My Facebook Pal?

Miami-Dade mayor hands out big raises to top advisors

NOT The Notebook

Ryan Gosling's band is going on a trippy tour that will involve children's choirs and talent shows. Of course, Dead Man's Bones won't be coming to Miami. I'm disappointed, I thought maybe he had so much fun helping move a ramp at MIA Skate Park that one time, that he'd want to come back.

Dead Man's Bones Hypnotism from biz3 publicity on Vimeo.

500 Days ... summed up in 1 picture

The Internet is abuzz with love for this accurate 5-panel comic strip summary of 500 Days of Summer by Starblinx. It's a good movie and it's a good summary. The only thing I would add to this comic is a picture of the dance scene of course.

See the rest of the comic here.

Lifetime, why must you break my heart?

My very favorite contestant on Project Runway was auf-ed on the first episode.

I officially hate Lifetime now. Bravo would have kept her, I think, because she was so obviously off-the-wall kooky that she would have made for interesting episodes.

(Like Elisa!! Remember her? She would spit on the clothes?!)


Anyway, Lifetime decided to keep this guy instead of Ari:

He kind of looks like Perez Hilton don't you think?


During Ari's introductory heart-to-heart with the camera, we learn that she wants to make clothes that can double as tents and water purification systems (UGH bad flashback to that STUPID faux-Project Runway show on Bravo and the outfit that doubled as a sleeping bag):

Later in the episode, when Tim gives everyone the requisite 30 minutes to sketch, Ari states she doesn't sketch ... she meditates. And then she does this:

In the end though, she does create a "sketch"(see below, how awesome is that?!) and I love it. The outfit? Not so much. It was described alternately as a disco soccerball (Michael Kors), a halter diaper (Tim Gunn), and a space suit from outer space (a contestant with little imagination). Ari, for her part, feels like her model would be at home walking the red carpet for the VMAs and then afterwards walking the red carpet at the Nobel Awards (??) and receiving a Peace Prize.


So, while her outfit is actually sort of ugly, it was an interesting concept and it was daring. And it took some work and talent to create. And someone could, conceivably, actually WEAR it. Whereas the see-through caftan nightgown that Mitchell made ... :

No. Just, no. It's see-through. And worse than being see-through? It's ugly. The only part of the dress that required any skill to create - the smocking at the neck - is ugly. It looks like she has a skin disease.

In my opinion though, it's wasn't even the worst dress to go down the runway. This one was:

Qristyl (who doesn't design plus-size mind you, she designs plus-sexy) made this tacky Joker-Meets-Two-Face dress. I think they've established that Project Runway is meant for innovative designers and high fashion. Why did Lifetime put her on the show? If they're looking for drama, they should have kept Ari. If they're looking for "diversity", they already have Epperson and Ra'mon (both of whom made pretty dresses). If nothing else, I can't wait to hear Michael Kors' comments and see Nina Garcia's face when Qristyl starts sending shit like this down the runway:

Those are actual designs that she made and sells on her website.

...

In any case, my favorite designs this episode were the Recovering Meth Addict's:

Although I agree with the judges and thought that it would be better in black.

And Shirin's, which, you can't see here, but part of the skirt transforms into a short cape that covers the model's shoulders.

Final thoughts:

As Dodai so wonderfully pointed out on Jezebel, Lindsay Lohan sucked as a judge, and "Red-Carpet Look" sucked as a first challenge (bring back the grocery store challenge!!).

Lifetime's Project Runway website is so clunky and non-intuitive that it's made me hate them even more. Damn you Lifetime.

My ideal life

would involve scenes like this every day.



Seriously. I spend an inordinate amount of time daydreaming that I break out into song and dance and then everyone around me joins in. Probably because I watched West Side Story a MILLION times when I was still at an impressionable age. The first time I climbed up to a rooftop in New York, it took all of my will power to keep from singing "America" - which was running through my head - out loud. I am not embarrassed about that, by the way.



Bjork's video for "It's Oh So Quiet" is also awesome.

Hershey, Pennsylvania Cuba

I wasn't aware, but Milton Hershey built a replica town in Cuba for the workers in his sugar plantation (purchased in 1916 to "sweeten his chocolate empire") in the province of Matanzas (where my family is from!). Read on for a charming yet sobering description of travel in the Cuban countryside.

Are you there God? It's me, Charlie.

Oh! That's why we haven't had any major hurricane damage in a few years.

Thanks Charlie!

"Free your breasts, free your mind"

This should be a fun afternoon. Because a bunch of topless women walking up and down Lincoln Road is a "great way to begin hurricane season!"

See you there at 3pm?

Are you old? You know, 30?

The two sides

When I wrote this post on Cuba the other day, I did a little searching into travel to Cuba (a fruitless search into what "gifts", exactly, you are allowed to take and how much) and found a lot of buzz on whether or not the US is going to be lifting the ban on travel to Cuba soon. I just read this article from NPR on what that would mean and what some Cubans think about it. It paints a picture of white-sand beaches, icy mojitos sipped in hotel restaurants and mentions one dive shop's plans for a "swim-with-the-sharks" show (there are dive shops in Cuba?)

And then immediately after - oh the irony of Google Reader - I read Yoani Sanchez' newest post on Generacion Y, on Bulletin Boards:

"To me, not allowing these boards is one of the most visible signs of control over all kinds of spontaneous organization or interaction among citizens."

A country where the people aren't even allowed to communicate with each other over lost items, services needed, services offered ... it just might be the next big vacation hot spot, popping up in the Travel Channel's "Best Beaches" and everything.

The most exciting meal of your life

Don't you want to eat at elBulli? The world's best restaurant? The one that's only open for 7 months out of the year? That sits on top of a mountain 2 hours from Barcelona? Where you are served 30 courses during 4 hours and the only question you're asked regarding menu options is "Do you eat offal"? Where you will pay an average of $355.90 for those 30 courses?

Yes? Worried about the steep price of the meal (and the cost of flight, lodging and transportation in Spain)? Don't be! You have at least 5 years to save up for what will probably be the most exciting meal of your life, since they only take reservations one day and one day only and on that day you will be one in 2 million people vying for 8,000 spots.

It took the Amateur Gourmand 5 years to win a coveted reservation and so that the rest of us can dine vicariously through him, he documented the whole experience with a mixture of YouTube videos and Comic Life comic strips.

I wish I had a person in my life so dedicated to eating out that they would take it upon themselves to spend the time necessary to know when elBulli is taking reservations and try to get those reservations year after year. Because I would happily go there ... if someone else did all the work.

On health care reform ...

I don't really do politics on here because I generally feel completely out of my element when it comes to it. I just don't follow political news enough to form personal opinions I feel confident in espousing. Which I know probably means I fail as an American ... I do, however, have an awareness of what's going on and I have been following the news on health care reform since this is an issue that will affect most of the people I know including myself if I am laid-off (or even if I'm not laid off, chances are budget cuts will demand that in addition to pay cuts, benefits will be slashed as well).

So Republicans have been fighting the Democrats (what a surprise) from "death panels" on down.

And now finally this:

The Senate Minority Whip [Sen. Jon Kyl (R) of Arizona] added that "almost all Republicans" are likely to oppose reform, even if it's the result of a bipartisan compromise ... There's no real ambiguity here -- a member of the Senate GOP leadership announced, publicly and on the record, that Republicans are going to oppose health care reform, no matter how many concessions Democrats make.

And so, it's nice to hear from Rahm Emmanuel:

The Republican leadership has made a strategic decision that defeating President Obama’s health care proposal is more important for their political goals than solving the health insurance problems that Americans face every day.

Hopefully, this is a sign that Obama and the Democrats are going to follow Latoya Peterson from Jezebel's plea that they show no bitchassness.

"I offer sensual acts"

Are you watch Hung? Because you should be. Call the number. Check out the website.

Guess what you'll find in my carry-on next time I fly somewhere?

Thank you, sommelier Emily Wines, for imparting this wisdom:

"I’m the one who once poured a nearly empty bottle of one of my favorite wines into little travel-size shampoo bottles so I could finish it off during a trip."