La Cocuyera

Music in Miami

2011-04-20T10:17:00.003-04:00

Apparently in Miami live music is best heard from underneath a highway. First it was Stage under the 195, now it's PAX (Performing Arts Exchange) under I-95. Housed in the former Miami Herald distribution center, PAX is billed as a "coffee art house" which is exactly what we need more of in Miami. Founded by the guy who was in charge of booking bands (like The Pinker Tones and He's My Brother, She's My Sister) at Transit Lounge, the music should be good. Hopefully, the coffee will be too. Upcoming shows include Afro-Kumbé on 4/22, and Elastic Bond on 4/23.

Other events happening now include O, Miami, a celebration of poetry in honor of National Poetry Month. The festival includes a literary death match, something involving DJ Le Spam and one of the guys from Broken Social Scene that's being called Broken Social Spam, and an evening at the new Gehry building with James Franco, who has been recognized by Stephen Colbert as being a modern-day Renaissance Man. And the Transatlantic Music Festival with Tango Conspiracy and Antibalas performing at Bardot and the North Beach Bandshell, respectively.

Martha Stewart Makes Life Better

2011-03-29T12:46:00.005-04:00

Martha Stewart Makes Cookies.

I love the simplicity and straightforwardness of this app's name. And, of course, I love Martha Stewart. So naturally I'm already a big fan of this app which I've never even tried. You begin with a cookie search wheel that allows you to mix flavors until you find the perfect cookie for your soon-to-be-grateful loved one. You see full-color photos of each cookie, you use the built-in timers and when you're stumped at a step, take advantage of the embedded video so that Martha can lovingly and confidently walk you through it. Really, it's like she's right there in the kitchen with you! And once your cookies are ready to come out of the oven, Martha would never just leave you to your own amateurish devices, so of course there's tips on presentation as well.

The layout and design are as clean and visually-appealing as everything in her empire. I'm sure Martha Stewart Makes Cakes, Martha Stewart Makes Chicken, Martha Stewart Makes Omelettes, etc., etc. can't be too far behind. Maybe even Martha Stewart Makes Cupcakes AND Cookies :

Because, really, Martha Stewart DOES Make Life Better.

I Was R I G H T !!!

2011-03-28T20:26:00.005-04:00

Back in August of 2009, I wrote this post about how I wished swing could make a come-back. It finally seems that I'm getting my wish. Well, maybe not SWING, yet, but at least rockabilly is back; and it's close enough.

Last December - after an amazing in-studio performance by Miami City Ballet of Company B which is set to the music of the Andrews Sisters (yes I really do love the era) - I ended up going to Bardot and unexpectedly catching Hep Cat Boo Daddy's live performance. Then last month I was at Stage and saw Slip and the Spinouts. And as exciting as hearing these great bands was, seeing the great outfits was even better! Girls with thin, arched eyebrows, ruby-red lips and porcelain skin decked out with bandanas and crazy prints and the attitude to match. Boys with pompadours and two-tone shoes. Ah, heaven.

I'm too fickle to commit to one style, vacillating between hippie and pin-up and most days sticking with yoga clothes or jeans and a t-shirt, but it definitely makes me happy to see that this subculture is popping up in the mainstream again. If I could only remember how to roll my hair properly...

South Florida Wildlife, Part 2

2009-09-15T11:16:00.002-04:00

AWESOME! Super-Lizards and Super-Snakes! This is going to make a great movie! Kind of like this one:

You should always wear white at night

2009-09-15T10:34:00.002-04:00

A cute comic from Carol Lay on Salon.

"So why do you want to be a model again? For Jesus." OR "We're going to save the world!" OR "I'm only getting loving-er"

2009-09-15T02:31:00.005-04:00

Just watched the premiere of America's Next Top Model Cycle 13, oh no, sorry, Le Cycle 13, since Tyra is choosing to speak with a French accent throughout the episode for some bizarre, unknown reason. Every time a new season is about to start I always plan on watching and promptly forget until one day when I'm home doing 6 loads of laundry and they're running an ANTM marathon on TV.

So I finally got with the program and watched. Online. A few days after it aired.

Holy Crap is this an amazing show.

Tyra: NUTS! I love her!

And then there's all these awesome girls!

Like Amber, who, unfortunately, had to drop out "for personal reasons" before the show even started. She loves Jesus, so much in fact, that she wants to be a model for him because he wants her to save the world. She booty dances for the homeless on Friday nights. She is like a virgin because she hasn't had sex for two years. And she has the CRAZIEST catwalk and poses!

Then there's my other favorite: Nicole. She takes a rusted wheelbarrow to school instead of a backpack. Because she was into William Carlos Williams? She's quiet and completely emotionless (except for when the giant stretch SUV limo pulled up and J popped his head out the window). Also, her nickname was Bloody Eyeball (look for the explanation of that around 1:41).

My last favorite is Laura. Not 'cause she has any sort of crazy, but because she's from a farm in the South and she's just fucking awesome. She castrates bulls for a living and says it with such a sweet Southern accent!

And this "upper middle-class girl" may be nice and all (since at the age of 19 she has already lived on a sheep farm somewhere, and then spent 3 months backpacking through the South Pacific and - oh no! - had to buy herself a plane ticket to Chicago for the casting with her dad's credit card since she currently lives in Costa Rica. Oh, the lives of the rich are so difficult! The conundrums!) but I just can't stomach the waves of rich hippie rolling off of her.

God, I'm such a hater.

"Miami Man Loses His Manhood and Fights Back in Court"

2009-09-14T16:41:00.003-04:00

There's all sorts of things that are wrong wrong wrong about this article. Feel free to count them up like a Highlights magazine all on your own.

Life During Wartime

2009-09-14T15:12:00.002-04:00

So this new movie that just premiered in the Venice Film Festival, Life During Wartime, is supposed to be good and is set in Miami, although ACTUALLY filmed in Puerto Rico (WTF?).

It's sort of a sequel to Happiness and also involves Welcome to the Dollhouse neither of which I've seen. And the way it's described is interesting, but I couldn't watch even a minute of this making-of video which features the director because he's so damn boring to listen to, so I don't know what that means for the movie. Maybe his movies should just be seen but he should not be heard? Somebody else watch it and let me know.

LooOoOOoOoooOoVE

2009-09-14T15:08:00.001-04:00

You can find so much happiness in a 99cent

2009-09-14T15:03:00.002-04:00

Thank you, Jezebel, for making us aware of the 99cent weddings!

Initially this woman was identified as being homeless and participating in this special 99cent wedding sponsored by the 99cent store. AWESOME.

Turns out she's not homeless though. Whoops.

99cent wedding? Still awesome though.

Two Words

2009-09-13T13:38:00.009-04:00

Two words: cupcake crash

Two words: "blood (artist's)"

Two words: new rule

UPDATE:
Two words: no duh!

Dedicated to the South Florida Wildlife

2009-09-11T14:42:00.006-04:00

Was anyone aware that while the Cat Killer has been getting all the press when it comes to animal murder, someone has been going around killing horses?? They think someone is killing them for their meat ... gruesome pictures here.

Also, looks like the Lincoln Road rooster guy is getting help from Miami Beach mayor Mattie Bower. He was told that he'd have to get rid of Mr. Clucky and Mr. Clucky's girlfriend Wallflower after complaints from neighbors about the crowing. I have it on good authority that he's packed up and left town for a little while, rooster and hen in tow, but in the meantime, the Mayor has asked the city to make an exception for when he comes back.

So the above happened a long time ago, but I never heard about it. CRAZY!

I'm a Barbie Girl...

2009-09-01T14:57:00.002-04:00

I can't believe Mattel is really behind this ... it's such a joke!

Eventually, we all fall into the Gap

2009-08-31T20:54:00.010-04:00

So I'm trying to find out why they say corn is bad for you and if it's better for you to eat it raw or cooked and I found this:

Who cares if it's good for you or not?! Kitten! Eating corn!!

I just saw these great pictures from a Southern Belle Swing Bash in Atlanta and besides wondering why we don't have something like that here, I'm wondering, was anyone else into swing music/fashion back in the 90s? Because if we're really doing scrunchies again, as this girl is so enthusiastically assuring me:

Can we also re-do swing?

Remember the awesome scene in Swingers (favorite movie after West Side Story...) when Mike finally meets Lorraine and they dance?!

Which reminds me that the Gap used to have that awesome Khaki Swing commercial:

which was part of a whole series of khaki dancing commercials in the late 90s.

And the awesome singing commercials from the same time.

That's it. I'm bringing khakis back. AND this has officially become a post dedicated to The Gap. I used to shop at the one in Town and Country Center in K-hole (after stopping into the Sanrio store and lunch at Cafe Tokyo: my first sushi love. No other Japanese restaurant will ever compare to their black-and-white checkerboard floors, neon pink lighting, awkwardly-shaped booths, Japanese pop, kitschy souvenirs and cheap cheap food) because, since no one went to Town and Country, everything at that Gap was always on sale. I think 90% of my wardrobe came from there, including (!!!) this amazing little red embroidered bag that I wore everywhere, all the time from 1995 until 2001, seen in this (horrendous) picture from Grad Nite'01:

(You really can not have any idea of how thrilled I am I was able to find a picture of this bag for this post.)

Anyway, the Gap was great - lots of basics, but still plenty of fun items like that bag. They also had tons of scarves and cute socks. Everything was sort of classic, sort of nondescript. It's not like you walked around in a new Gap shirt and everyone knew immediately where you had bought it. It was just the epitomy of cool, chic, relaxed and put-together. Nothing was too expensive and there was a variety of sizes that fit properly - which, if you shop at stores now, (*ahem ahem* Forever 21, Urban Outfitters) you realize what a luxury that was. And remember the perfumes?! Grass, Om, Dream, Heaven???? I loooooved the turquoise-hued Heaven.

And then, in 2000, they came out with the Mike Mill's West Side Story commercials. You see how this all comes full circle?

There were two more - one to "America" and one to "Mambo" but, alas, those two are not as easy to find as the picture of my awesome red purse.

The sad thing is that at some time during my high school years, I worked at Old Navy (ughhh Sunset Place) for one week. On the seventh day, Sunday, I decided I needed rest and therefore decided that I didn't really need to go to work at 7 a.m. for cash register training. The manager called my house around 8 a.m., waking up my dad, who came and woke me up. I don't remember the conversation too well, because I was half-asleep, but I think it went something like this:

"Claudia, are you aware that it is now 8 a.m. and you were expected to be at work one hour ago?"

"Yeah."

"Do you have a reason for not coming into work this morning?"

"I didn't want to wake up."

"Are you planning on coming in today at all?"

"No. I don't think so."

[sputtering]"Are you aware that if you do not come in today we will have to FIRE you?"

"No, don't worry about it, I quit."

"I have to tell you that you will not be able to ever work at another Old Navy, Gap, or Banana Republic."

" ... "

I guess that's around the time my love affair with the Gap ended.

Which is why I remained unaware of this AWESOME commercial until now:

I don't think I like the all-new Gap.

Body parts in bags, Nazi donuts

2009-08-31T16:00:00.010-04:00

Real-life Dexter episode for those of you sitting around biting our fingernails till the new season starts! (omg just hearing the theme music makes me giddy...)

So you saw Inglourious Basterds right? Want more Nazis to laugh at?

Papers (2009) - watch more funny videos

A true celebrity ...

2009-08-31T08:39:00.006-04:00

I can't believe I hadn't shared THIS with you all yet! What was I thinking?? Please notice that the page's icon appears to be Hello Kitty. This guy has achieved true celebrity status among us at work. His blog is beyond crazy and most of us are still unsure whether he is a real person or not. I mean, his Myspace album is full of crazy photos like the one above, and then crazier photos like the one below where he put all sorts of effects. Unfortunately, you can't see it here, but this one flashes a big purple heart over his face:

There's also a bunch of animated pictures of some black guy, a bunch of pictures of naked/half-naked girls, and then this sort of randomness:

Real? Not real?

Pregnancy-Chic

2009-08-30T22:28:00.007-04:00

Thank god for On Demand. If it wasn't for On Demand, I don't think I would ever watch TV, because really, it's all about ME and when I want to watch TV. Also, it helps me feel better about the amount of TV I watch. Somehow the fact that I'm not a slave to TV schedules lessens the whole "rotting your mind away" stigma.

So I finally got around to Project Runway's second episode tonight and I see that Lifetime really is intent on convincing me that they are the worst channel ever.

Malvin, my other favorite, got auf-ed.

because he was "too conceptual for America" and made this whole chicken-and-egg-bird-nest-and-feather fertility thing:

At least he avoided his desire to create "chicken thighs" and gave the model straight leg pants instead of jodphurs.

I actually didn't find any of the outfits to be especially bad ...

And I DID agree with the judges that Shirin's was the winning design:

I also really loved the other top design:

But now the two most interesting designers are out ... what's left?

Pointless eco-stunts, Inspiring sailing stunt

2009-08-29T14:00:00.004-04:00

Have you noticed the rash of books featuring "eco-stunts" as Elizabeth Kolbert writes in the New Yorker? You know what I'm talking about. Books that combine "projects" or "challenges" (Julie/Julia anyone?) with green themes like not buying any plastic at all for a year, or not using any fuel. Kolbert exposes just how silly the whole trend is in an interesting and short read:

"Renunciation sets them apart and organizes their lives in the name of some higher purpose. The trouble—or, at least, a trouble—is that it’s hard to say exactly what that purpose is."

13-year-old Laura Dekker is trying to become the youngest person to sail around the world solo after 17-year-old Mike Perham just finished the trip today. However Dutch authorities where she lives do not want to allow her to make the trip. At first I thought good for them, what the hell is wrong with this girl's parents? But her parents fully support her and feel confident that she can do it since she was born on a sail boat while they were sailing around the world and lived the first four years of her life on a boat. She recently sailed by herself from the Netherlands to England, where she was taken into custody and her father was called. Her father didn't want to come get her, stating that she was perfectly capable of sailing back home herself (he did, eventually, fly to England and sail back home with her). I kind of think that she should be allowed to do it ... why the hell not?

Do you suffer from "inadequate or not enough lashes?"

2009-08-29T13:49:00.002-04:00

Does that sentence make you want to throw up in your mouth a little? Maybe because the last thing you need is to worry about your EYELASHES, since you already have your muffin-top and your cankles to worry about? Maybe because you can't handle bad grammar?

Well, relax. Because Brooke Shields is behind it. So it MUST be ok.

Techno Viking

2009-08-28T10:51:00.003-04:00

Recently brought to my attention ... The Techno Viking who protects innocent blue-haired ravers.

Capucine

2009-08-28T10:38:00.002-04:00

Do you need to feel some happy Amelie-like love right now? Of course you do. Everyone does. So I present to you: Capucine. Enjoy!

Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

Please Save West Side Story from the clutches of MTV

2009-08-28T10:16:00.003-04:00

It's no secret: I Love West Side Story and I thought I'd love to see a remake (Baz Lurhman maybe? It would be like combining Romeo + Juliet with Moulin Rouge!) However, after watching this, I realized what a remake would mean and I hope to god no one ever, ever, makes one. But of course, this is probably a sign that it's going to happen.

(WTF is Katy Perry doing?)

Halloween : A League of Their Own

2009-08-25T20:10:00.003-04:00

It's that time of year again!! Time to start thinking about what to wear for the best holiday ever HALLOWEEN!

First idea? A League of Their Own. How cute would it be to wear one of those baseball dresses? It appears to be very difficult to find though. Bummer.

Today's words of wisdom, courtesy of the Sniper Sex Therapist

2009-08-25T19:34:00.003-04:00

"Men need to be spanked. Like dogs. That's what they teach women at the seminars. Only 1 percent know how to treat women right. I should know. I'm a teacher."

Helping the Environment. You're welcome.

2009-08-25T16:13:00.003-04:00

The only thing I really knew about Julia Stiles is that she looks EXACTLY like one of my friends. Only with blonde hair.

But apparently, she's really awesome because she's decided to become a designer!

World's first cocaine bar

2009-08-25T14:57:00.002-04:00

Route 36 is like the whole secret supper club trend, except there's cocaine and jenga. Not food.

Carlito Alvarez: Update

2009-08-25T14:35:00.002-04:00

The Herald published a story today about what the commissioners think about the Alvarez crew pay raises.

Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez feels backlash over raises

"If you want to share a banana-free breakfast taco, let me know"

2009-08-25T11:11:00.005-04:00

From passiveaggressivenotes.com

one comment:

"She has a pinky ring, is a jogger, owns a terrier, and is cocky enough to offer sharing a scone with her as though being in her presence alone was some sort of gift. All the hallmarks of a cute chick. I’d go for it."

Other comments point to the possibility that this could be a knock-off of some guy named Craig in Australia who is AWESOME. PLEASE go look at the gallery of his posters they're awesome awesome awesome. Here's one:

Don't you want to be "FBBFs 4EVA" with Carlito Alvarez??

2009-08-24T11:11:00.003-04:00

Over on Riptide 2.0, the Miami New Times blog, the Banana Republican points out some budget shenanigans in Mayor Carlos Alvarez' office ...

For various reasons, I'm withholding comment.

But here are some links for you all to peruse:

Most County Executives Safe from Budget Cuts

Carlos Alvarez Won't You Please Be My Facebook Pal?

Miami-Dade mayor hands out big raises to top advisors

NOT The Notebook

2009-08-22T15:35:00.002-04:00

Ryan Gosling's band is going on a trippy tour that will involve children's choirs and talent shows. Of course, Dead Man's Bones won't be coming to Miami. I'm disappointed, I thought maybe he had so much fun helping move a ramp at MIA Skate Park that one time, that he'd want to come back.

Dead Man's Bones Hypnotism from biz3 publicity on Vimeo.

500 Days ... summed up in 1 picture

2009-08-22T15:09:00.006-04:00

The Internet is abuzz with love for this accurate 5-panel comic strip summary of 500 Days of Summer by Starblinx. It's a good movie and it's a good summary. The only thing I would add to this comic is a picture of the dance scene of course.

See the rest of the comic here.

Lifetime, why must you break my heart?

2009-08-22T12:34:00.016-04:00

My very favorite contestant on Project Runway was auf-ed on the first episode.

I officially hate Lifetime now. Bravo would have kept her, I think, because she was so obviously off-the-wall kooky that she would have made for interesting episodes.

(Like Elisa!! Remember her? She would spit on the clothes?!)

Anyway, Lifetime decided to keep this guy instead of Ari:

He kind of looks like Perez Hilton don't you think?

During Ari's introductory heart-to-heart with the camera, we learn that she wants to make clothes that can double as tents and water purification systems (UGH bad flashback to that STUPID faux-Project Runway show on Bravo and the outfit that doubled as a sleeping bag):

Later in the episode, when Tim gives everyone the requisite 30 minutes to sketch, Ari states she doesn't sketch ... she meditates. And then she does this:

In the end though, she does create a "sketch"(see below, how awesome is that?!) and I love it. The outfit? Not so much. It was described alternately as a disco soccerball (Michael Kors), a halter diaper (Tim Gunn), and a space suit from outer space (a contestant with little imagination). Ari, for her part, feels like her model would be at home walking the red carpet for the VMAs and then afterwards walking the red carpet at the Nobel Awards (??) and receiving a Peace Prize.

So, while her outfit is actually sort of ugly, it was an interesting concept and it was daring. And it took some work and talent to create. And someone could, conceivably, actually WEAR it. Whereas the see-through caftan nightgown that Mitchell made ... :

No. Just, no. It's see-through. And worse than being see-through? It's ugly. The only part of the dress that required any skill to create - the smocking at the neck - is ugly. It looks like she has a skin disease.

In my opinion though, it's wasn't even the worst dress to go down the runway. This one was:

Qristyl (who doesn't design plus-size mind you, she designs plus-sexy) made this tacky Joker-Meets-Two-Face dress. I think they've established that Project Runway is meant for innovative designers and high fashion. Why did Lifetime put her on the show? If they're looking for drama, they should have kept Ari. If they're looking for "diversity", they already have Epperson and Ra'mon (both of whom made pretty dresses). If nothing else, I can't wait to hear Michael Kors' comments and see Nina Garcia's face when Qristyl starts sending shit like this down the runway:

Those are actual designs that she made and sells on her website.

...

In any case, my favorite designs this episode were the Recovering Meth Addict's:

Although I agree with the judges and thought that it would be better in black.

And Shirin's, which, you can't see here, but part of the skirt transforms into a short cape that covers the model's shoulders.

Final thoughts:

As Dodai so wonderfully pointed out on Jezebel, Lindsay Lohan sucked as a judge, and "Red-Carpet Look" sucked as a first challenge (bring back the grocery store challenge!!).

Lifetime's Project Runway website is so clunky and non-intuitive that it's made me hate them even more. Damn you Lifetime.

My ideal life

2009-08-22T12:12:00.003-04:00

would involve scenes like this every day.

Seriously. I spend an inordinate amount of time daydreaming that I break out into song and dance and then everyone around me joins in. Probably because I watched West Side Story a MILLION times when I was still at an impressionable age. The first time I climbed up to a rooftop in New York, it took all of my will power to keep from singing "America" - which was running through my head - out loud. I am not embarrassed about that, by the way.

Bjork's video for "It's Oh So Quiet" is also awesome.

Hershey, Pennsylvania Cuba

2009-08-22T10:28:00.003-04:00

I wasn't aware, but Milton Hershey built a replica town in Cuba for the workers in his sugar plantation (purchased in 1916 to "sweeten his chocolate empire") in the province of Matanzas (where my family is from!). Read on for a charming yet sobering description of travel in the Cuban countryside.

Are you there God? It's me, Charlie.

2009-08-22T09:37:00.003-04:00

Oh! That's why we haven't had any major hurricane damage in a few years.

Thanks Charlie!

"Free your breasts, free your mind"

2009-08-21T13:30:00.002-04:00

This should be a fun afternoon. Because a bunch of topless women walking up and down Lincoln Road is a "great way to begin hurricane season!"

See you there at 3pm?

Are you old? You know, 30?

2009-08-20T20:28:00.000-04:00

The two sides

2009-08-20T20:07:00.004-04:00

When I wrote this post on Cuba the other day, I did a little searching into travel to Cuba (a fruitless search into what "gifts", exactly, you are allowed to take and how much) and found a lot of buzz on whether or not the US is going to be lifting the ban on travel to Cuba soon. I just read this article from NPR on what that would mean and what some Cubans think about it. It paints a picture of white-sand beaches, icy mojitos sipped in hotel restaurants and mentions one dive shop's plans for a "swim-with-the-sharks" show (there are dive shops in Cuba?)

And then immediately after - oh the irony of Google Reader - I read Yoani Sanchez' newest post on Generacion Y, on Bulletin Boards:

"To me, not allowing these boards is one of the most visible signs of control over all kinds of spontaneous organization or interaction among citizens."

A country where the people aren't even allowed to communicate with each other over lost items, services needed, services offered ... it just might be the next big vacation hot spot, popping up in the Travel Channel's "Best Beaches" and everything.

The most exciting meal of your life

2009-08-19T15:32:00.004-04:00

Don't you want to eat at elBulli? The world's best restaurant? The one that's only open for 7 months out of the year? That sits on top of a mountain 2 hours from Barcelona? Where you are served 30 courses during 4 hours and the only question you're asked regarding menu options is "Do you eat offal"? Where you will pay an average of $355.90 for those 30 courses?

Yes? Worried about the steep price of the meal (and the cost of flight, lodging and transportation in Spain)? Don't be! You have at least 5 years to save up for what will probably be the most exciting meal of your life, since they only take reservations one day and one day only and on that day you will be one in 2 million people vying for 8,000 spots.

It took the Amateur Gourmand 5 years to win a coveted reservation and so that the rest of us can dine vicariously through him, he documented the whole experience with a mixture of YouTube videos and Comic Life comic strips.

I wish I had a person in my life so dedicated to eating out that they would take it upon themselves to spend the time necessary to know when elBulli is taking reservations and try to get those reservations year after year. Because I would happily go there ... if someone else did all the work.

On health care reform ...

2009-08-19T11:26:00.002-04:00

I don't really do politics on here because I generally feel completely out of my element when it comes to it. I just don't follow political news enough to form personal opinions I feel confident in espousing. Which I know probably means I fail as an American ... I do, however, have an awareness of what's going on and I have been following the news on health care reform since this is an issue that will affect most of the people I know including myself if I am laid-off (or even if I'm not laid off, chances are budget cuts will demand that in addition to pay cuts, benefits will be slashed as well).

So Republicans have been fighting the Democrats (what a surprise) from "death panels" on down.

And now finally this:

The Senate Minority Whip [Sen. Jon Kyl (R) of Arizona] added that "almost all Republicans" are likely to oppose reform, even if it's the result of a bipartisan compromise ... There's no real ambiguity here -- a member of the Senate GOP leadership announced, publicly and on the record, that Republicans are going to oppose health care reform, no matter how many concessions Democrats make.

And so, it's nice to hear from Rahm Emmanuel:

The Republican leadership has made a strategic decision that defeating President Obama’s health care proposal is more important for their political goals than solving the health insurance problems that Americans face every day.

Hopefully, this is a sign that Obama and the Democrats are going to follow Latoya Peterson from Jezebel's plea that they show no bitchassness.

"I offer sensual acts"

2009-08-19T11:15:00.002-04:00

Are you watch Hung? Because you should be. Call the number. Check out the website.

Guess what you'll find in my carry-on next time I fly somewhere?

2009-08-18T20:29:00.002-04:00

Thank you, sommelier Emily Wines, for imparting this wisdom:

"I’m the one who once poured a nearly empty bottle of one of my favorite wines into little travel-size shampoo bottles so I could finish it off during a trip."

OH! um ... Mad Men?

2009-08-18T18:14:00.001-04:00

The new season premiered on Sunday ... we sort of forgot. Oops.

Mad Men Spoiler Report from Michael Gladis

Weirdest Hotels

2009-08-18T17:41:00.003-04:00

Check out this slideshow on the weirdest hotels. I'd like to stay at the giraffe one, the spinning one and the treehouse for sure.

Beer Baths

2009-08-18T13:54:00.004-04:00

Ugh, The Standard is so behind when it comes to cutting edge spa treatments. Haven't they heard about Beer Spas yet??

"Like being homeless in loud pants"

2009-08-17T16:12:00.012-04:00

While I am, of course, not a fan of Chavez, and this new project of his, the Revolutionary Reading Plan, has (deservedly) a lot of critics, since it makes the writings of Chavez himself and Karl Marx required reading for school children (their "light" reading includes the love letters of Simon Bolivar ... a far cry from Captain Underpants, Cirque du Freak and Twilight...), the L in me can't help but still love the idea of free copies of Les Miserables (one of my favorite books) and Don Quijote and "roving book clubs." Roving Book Clubs? It's like literacy meets flash mob! We can all agree to meet seemingly randomly in a public place and at a specified time, all take out a copy of the same book and start reading out loud from a pre-designated page ... Who wants in?

How can you not love Bill Maher? His newest New Rule? "A-hole in One Shouldn't Be Obama's Game" explains golf thusly: "Golf, if you're not familiar, is a pastime where you basically walk outdoors with a bag, muttering and cursing. It's like being homeless in loud pants."

Here's the new poster for the upcoming movie Dorian Gray based on, of course, The Picture of Dorian Gray.

I first read this when I was 15 and loved it. Then re-read it when I was 19 and hated it. In fact I hated it so much that I haven't been able to read any more Oscar Wilde since. I'm wondering if it's time to give him a third chance in time for the movie?

Can you believe this guy owns a company that made 7 figures in the first 6 months of this year?

He's the man behind Pet Holdings which owns I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? and FAIL Blog. AND HE MAKES A MILLION DOLLARS. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong with my life.

Since I have, in the last 5 years of my life, become intimately acquainted with skate culture, I found this essay, celebrating Andy Kessler's life, really moving.

It provides some perspective on a group in our society that is often misunderstood and underestimated: "For all of their perceived destructiveness, for all of their purported unthinking and lawless mischief, skateboarders are a creative and compassionate breed."

How can I get this t-shirt?!

Shopping for a 6-year-old's birthday

2009-08-16T15:05:00.010-04:00

is surprisingly fun. Especially when it's hot outside, but the intermittent threat of passing rain showers rules the beach out as a viable option. The following is a photo-essay about me and my friend's shopping trip to Toys R Us and 99 Cent Stuff. (my friend's and mine? What's the proper grammatical phrasing there?) I didn't photograph the actual things we bought for the 6-year-old, but I did buy myself a few items ... can you guess which things I bought??

What could be better on a hot day like today than shooting mini marshmallows at friends?! It's a food fight with weaponry!! (Random Personal Trivia: I have never been in a food fight and it's a secret wish of mine to have one.)

I'm a fan of Yo Gabba Gabba (with guests like The Shins, Jack Black, The Roots, Amy Sedaris and Elijah Wood and episodes directed by Jared Hess of Napoleon Dynamite fame). This Magic Dance Hat which plays music when you move your head around (preferably as you do the puppet master) is AH-MAZE-ING. In fact, I want to be DJ Lance Rock for halloween.

A Project Runway fashion illustration toy thing! I used to love these when I was little!!

I will admit it, I was a HUGE Barbie fanatic when I was a kid. I had the Corvette, a three story mansion with an elevator, and my favorite was my Jasmine Barbie (from Aladdin). I feel like I should be against Barbie because it fucks with your self-image and reinforces gender stereotypes and blah blah blah. But when I walked into the Barbie aisle, my heart stopped for a second. Mermaid + Barbie. swoon.

Dude! Skipper is a crunchy-granola, back-packy nature type who BLOGS! hahahahaha Her thought bubble says "That's going in my nature blog!"

Although I love Barbie and I was generally a pretty girly-girl, a lot of my toys were hand-me-downs and I have an older brother, so I had equal love for stuff like guns and toy tractors. This particular Nerf blasting thing with three guns in one is pretty awesome. Three darts per second!!

Moon Shoes!!! They fit up to a men's size 9! They're kid-powered fun! They're also $30! WTF?

Ah, the elusive Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine. Prominently displayed to mock us and our now-functioning air conditioner at work.

There is so much wrong with this product. Pushing the whole princess meme on little girls is bad enough as it is, but associating the princesses with a snack, and one that is SO CONCERNED with calories? And look at Belle's waist! It's been whittled down to nothing! Even Dita can't shrink her middle like that. Not to mention that if you want your daughter to eat healthily, you should probably avoid Disney-sponsored chocolate snacks made out of chemicals and just give her a mango or some carrots. UGH.

Let's move on to the next stop of the day. 99 Cent Stuff. Here's where it gets good.

Hey look! Cheap tennis shoes! That are actually snow boots!

Mmmmm ... Pocky. Oh, no. Tricky. How appropriately-named.

Hannah Montana ankle socks that say Secret Star.

This "Senior New Type" table cloth, so you know, has "No Poison, No Taste." So don't worry if grandma tries to take a bite out of it.

We considered buying this for the 6-year-old. I mean, look at how FUN it is! It's a Robin Hood play set! You get a cardboard head of Robin Hood with creepy blue eyes ... and then you play with it. Because there's nothing else included.

This is Joy-Doh. Like Play-Doh, but better, because when you give this to a child you let them know that they can try to change their image. Be sure to include some 80 Calorie Princess snacks when you gift this.

Is this action figure a man or a woman? We don't know! But we do know that if we were to start a L patron action figure line, this could definitely be the first one.

Why not? From the back: "Alone for the evening? Give yourself over to Squeeze Solitaire, where getting down to nothing is harder than you imagined."

If you were to buy yourself a frisbee, wouldn't you pass over the others in favor of a 2008 one from Denver?

Can anyone explain this to me? Is it a really bad joke about the fact that you can legally go to war when you turn 18 and get your legs blown off by a roadside bomb or something?

So ideal for the Sniper Sex Therapist ...

So ideal for all the rest of them.

On the one hand we have 80 Calorie Princess Snacks, on the other? Chubby Kids Soda. Why lie to yourself?

Crasher Squirrel

2009-08-16T12:26:00.006-04:00

This couple was on vacation in Canada and set up their camera with the timer so they could take a picture of themselves. She set it up on the rock, they took their seats a few feet away, and then ... the squirrel showed up:

Now, nicknamed the Crasher Squirrel, he has been popping up all over the Internet.

Cuba on my mind

2009-08-15T14:29:00.006-04:00

I spent some time today immersed in the surreal world that is preparing for a trip to Cuba. I offered to take a friend, who is now on his way (of course the flight was delayed), to the airport this morning. Although the flight wasn't supposed to leave until 1:30 p.m., he had to be there at 9:30 a.m.

I have family and friends who have gone to Cuba and I'm aware that taking various items (you know, real luxury stuff: towels, medicine, toothpaste, dish-washing soap) is a requisite, but I didn't quite understand the logistics and planning that goes into this whole endeavor. I still don't. And it's not easy information to find. It also doesn't help that you have to worry not only about customs here in the U.S., but also the olive green brigade in Cuba as well.

In any case, it was a strange morning. Our arrival at the agency where his ticket waited for him (this ticket had been up in the air all week ... he was finally told he could pick it up here a half-hour before he was supposed to be at the airport) was welcomed by a brood of hens with a couple of roosters thrown in to the mix. Here are a few of them:

His two bags were deemed too heavy and everything was unpacked. A third, smaller bag was magically produced from the depths of a closet in the office and the lady at the agency helped him repack the bags, taking all the medicines out of their boxes, carefully taping them to make sure they wouldn't spill and that any necessary instructions weren't lost, putting them in the third bag that she then disguised (it had some inappropriate logo or something on the front?) and covered in tape. Advice was given on what to do with a large bottle of olive oil and a portable DVD player. It would seem that wearing a suit is a good idea. All of this took place in front of me as I sat there, completely baffled by how ludicrous the whole thing is and unsure how I could help, if at all.

The whole experience has left me thinking about all the things we take for granted: not only access to well-stocked pharmacies, but also food and freedom. Cuba is now a place where talking about the fact that you are hungry is a criminal offense.

For those of you who don't speak Spanish, this man, whose nickname is Panfilo, is video-taped, while drunk, saying that he's hungry, that everyone is hungry and that there is no food to eat. Consequently, the police start showing up to his home and questioning him. Scared, he then records a second video, saying that he was drunk and didn't know what he was saying. In the end, Panfilo has been arrested and will be imprisoned for two years for peligrosidad - being a danger to the state. Will they at least give him something to eat in prison?

Meanwhile, the bearded one just celebrated his 83rd birthday. What do you want to bet that cabron had a great meal to celebrate?

2009-08-13T16:43:00.000-04:00

I've never particularly cared for the Three Stooges, but I'm excited to see the Farrelly Brothers' version since it has Paul Giamatti and Benicio del Toro.

Ever heard of a Tickle Me Plant? Neither had I before my friend sent me the link to a video with a really funny song. Watch it. That way when I start singing it in front of you, since I can't get it out of my head, you can sing along with me.

Since I'm such a (trying-to-be-reformed) hater, I wanted to just snark on this whole "Sweaty Sunday" workout article - because it takes place in a "hipster neighborhood" in LA, because it's described as an "American Apparel ad come to life," because "headbands and bright tights are the norm" - but in the end, I decided it's pretty awesome.

They look really happy:

And I think I would be too, if I was there.

To be really happy

2009-08-12T17:52:00.000-04:00

You should be a sea gypsy, yes? (warning: the other stories at this link, while beautifully photographed and interesting, are not happy.)

Places I would really like to go ...

2009-08-12T15:05:00.001-04:00

I've always wanted to go to Japan and Machu Picchu, but I'm adding two places to the list that I had never thought of before:

Greenland, now that I read this photo essay, and

The Maldives, to stay in any of these hotels.

Dita goes grocery shopping! In France!

2009-08-12T09:27:00.000-04:00

She's been photographed wearing lots of flats since she started dating this Count Louis-Marie de Castelbajac. I wonder if she's trying to emphasize his height? Her petiteness?

Mermaid sightings!

2009-08-11T20:31:00.000-04:00

THIS has made my day!!!!

What SHOULD my tattoo say?

2009-08-11T19:50:00.001-04:00

I have a visible tattoo that is in another language. It has a lot of meaning for me and comes with a whole story that I don't necessarily feel like sharing all the time. And I definitely don't feel like sharing with patrons at work.

So today, when this creepy guy asked me what it meant, I told him "happy hour" (the tattoo has two words), thinking anyone would think that's so stupid that I either must be pretty inane OR I must be bullshitting them because I don't want to talk about it.

Apparently, that was too subtle, because he took me seriously and asked me out to happy hour at the Catalina.

Anyone have any suggestions for what I should tell patrons in the future??

Thanks.

Angry? Punch a priceless work of art!

2009-08-11T18:55:00.002-04:00

What a bizarre, awesome way to vent your frustration: a Russian woman who was denied French citizenship went to the Louvre and threw a cup at the Mona Lisa. At first I thought that must be the Russian in her, but apparently in France cathartic release often involves works of art.

The article mentions a man who went to the Musee D'Orsay and punched a painting by Claude Monet, and another woman in southern France who kissed (with lipstick) a painting by some American painter.

In other art related news, our own exhibit at work has caused a bit of a stir. A patron complained about the black American flag (It's an American flag. It's black. It's on a tripod. It has something do with either digital or analog media. Or both. I'm not sure.) to one of my co-workers. Within half an hour, we were already getting a call from an assistant director. Apparently, this industrious patron called his commissioner, who called the administration office. That's government in action folks!!! Complain about an (innocent, yes, innocent, I can see how someone would be offended, but c'mon, it's a FLAG) flag in an art exhibit at a public L and you'll get results instantly! But people living under bridges, streets that flood at the slightest rain shower ... that's low priority.

Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts

2009-08-11T18:03:00.000-04:00

This woman:

leads a charmed life that involves waking up and sliding off Frette sheets (a fitted sheet, top sheet and two shams will cost $1700. Oh yes, I looked it up, because I had never heard of it, but figured it must be expensive if the NY Times finds it to be such an important detail that it must be mentioned.), going to the beach, eating granola, writing a book, having lunches that involve scallops so good and fresh they're "poetic," running and ~~dancing~~, I'm sorry, booty shaking, with her friends for some fishermen, boating, eating dinner while wearing Prada platforms, having bonfires with her friends, and taking baths with rose-scented candles and an un-boyfriend.

What does she DO in order to be able to live this (arguably) perfect lifestyle? Why, she teaches women to "actualize [their] full-throttle power and life force"! Of course! You too can skip around the beach shaking your booty in Prada platforms if you first ~~give Mama Gena~~, sorry, invest $4950 (for four weekends) and enroll in Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts. So you can learn to be a woman.

Is it just me, or does it all sound a little too much like You're Pretty Cosmetics (you are watching Weeds, aren't you?) ...

Maybe I could start a branch of MGSWA down here and add a little something extra, like Celia?

And, um, just cause Nancy Botwin is awesome ...

Some awesome things

2009-08-10T21:17:00.001-04:00

Awesome iphone app: goPostal, allows you to choose a photo, write a message, include an address, and it will print and mail it for you.

Awesome book: An Irreverent Curiosity: In Search of the Church's Strangest Relic in Italy's Oddest Town is all about the Holy Foreskin and Calcata, Italy, where it belonged. (Of course, we don't have a copy at work...)

Awesome life lesson: "You will do better once you learn to distinguish between the things that can kill you and the ones that merely sting."

Awesome near death experience: dead baby comes back to life at a funeral home.

Yo quiero ...

2009-08-10T17:46:00.000-04:00

Oh the wisdom! Alcohol, late nights, and Mexican food. A match made in heaven:

"The thought 'if we eat greasy Mexican food now it will stop the hangover before it starts' always seems reasonable. In theory, this should be an air-tight physiological argument. In practice, it often turns out that the mystery taco meat of the evening joins forces with the alcohol to create new and interesting kinds of morning-after misery. Which is how the world should be."

I would love to make a list of places to eat late-night Mexican food in Miami, like this one for LA (where the quote above came from), but ARE there any late-night Mexican food joints in Miami other than Taco Bell?

Speaking of Taco Bell and mystery taco meat:

Demon Starfish, UPDATE and my friend, the sniper-sex-therapist

2009-08-10T17:04:00.000-04:00

FYI, the Demon Starfish has struck again! He mailed a loooong letter (who knew he had the capacity to address and stamp an envelope and put it in the appropriate mailbox?) to someone at work wherein he expresses his concern over the well-being of many of the staff members. Including Isabella, princesa de las flores. Including yours truly, actually. I didn't even know he knew my name. I didn't even know he knew I existed. I've had way less contact with him than my other co-workers; I've only helped him once that I can remember. Anyway, he hasn't seen me in the last few weeks he claims, so he was worried I had been killed by werewolves or demons or some such creatures.

It's touching.

I also had a nice conversation today with my friend Karl, the sniper sex therapist. I don't believe I've mentioned him before, but Karl is a nice old man who just turned 83 on the day that I also celebrated my birthday. So through this happy coincidence, we have become more than friends, we are now brother and sister. Or so he says.

I have it on (somewhat) good authority (if you consider that our sources are often other regulars) that Karl was a sniper/assassin in a former life. The same day I was told this, he told me himself that he was a sex therapist (and then proceeded to invite me to a couples' sex therapy weekend that he assured me cost $5,000. The fee, he said, would be waived for me, his sister.)

Today, I found out he was also dean of a business school in England, worked in archaeological digs in Tunisia, Spain and France, has lived in 5 continents, is Hungarian and grew up in the former Yugoslavia. Apparently he was sentenced to 13 years hard labor and somehow escaped because he was a fencing coach or something.

The thing is, even though this guy is sorta crazy, as our regulars are wont to be, he is also really happy and positive and he just seems to enjoy life ... I'm hoping that if and when I'm 83, I'll be just like him: wandering into strangers' lives and telling them improbable stories just to see them smile.

Blueprint for Joy: Musicals and Greece

2009-08-10T15:10:00.001-04:00

So yesterday, after an amazing morning on the beach, I went home and had a picnic in the living room, complete with a blanket on the floor and some beer. I watched Mamma Mia!. I actually saw this when it was still in the movie theaters. It was a tropical storm day, so: no work, bad weather, and I was hanging out with my mom. My mom who can't stay awake through any movie except, inexplicably, The River Wild. My mom who never spends money on going to the movie theater - "What's the point when you can get movies for free at the L?" she says.

She really wanted to see Mamma Mia! and I acquiesced, although I didn't think it would be any good.

I was wrong. Very wrong. The movie is perfect. And after watching it for a second time yesterday I wonder why I was so against it in the first place. It has Meryl Streep! It (suspension of disbelief necessary) takes place on a Greek island! There's singing and dancing every few minutes! Two things that make me very, very happy: musicals and Greece.

The time I spent in Greece, in the Greek islands, was one of the best times of my life. So, expect to see me sometime in the future living in Greece. Maybe in this house.

In the meantime, I'm going to work on incorporating more singing and dancing into my everyday life. I'm sure the people at work won't mind ...

Miami's own Julie/Julia Project

2009-08-08T17:05:00.000-04:00

This girl here in Miami named Christina started the Cuban version of the Julie/Julia Project, cooking her way through Cocina al Minuto, that venerable blue book many of us saw lying around, dog-eared, stained, generally mistreated in our abuela's kichens.

Especially funny: "You know, there's a guy, that my grandmother knows, that lost an arm opening the olla de presión before he should have - those things are scary! (Urban Legend - not proven)"

More on happiness. Because we can't get enough.

2009-08-08T16:15:00.000-04:00

This essay on happiness written by a Zen Buddhist priest is a must-read. I decided a few days ago that I would focus more on enjoying each moment, enjoying the present, in order to be happier in general. So, with that in mind, the following really jumped out at me, mostly because it's what I've been thinking ... but written in a much more poetic way:

“'For the time being the highest peak, for the time being the deepest ocean; for the time being a crazy mind, for the time being a Buddha body; for the time being a Zen Master, for the time being an ordinary person; for the time being earth and sky. Since there is nothing but this moment, ‘for the time being’ is all the time there is' ... So to be happy, with a happiness that doesn’t blow away with every wind, we need to be able to make use of what happens to us — all of it — whether we find ourselves at the top of a mountain or at the bottom of the sea."

Traveling to Tulum in my mind

2009-08-08T15:58:00.000-04:00

I would like to be at this beach in Tulum, Mexico, meditating while the clay and honey that covers me from head to toe dries in the sun so that I can jump in the ocean to wash it all off. Wouldn't you?

And since I'm on the topic of travel ... read this, for different perspective on being "ripped off" by the locals (not in Mexico).

Diversity, Chlamydia, Hermaphrodite?

2009-08-08T14:58:00.001-04:00

Thank god! I can sleep better at night now, knowing that the family that bonds together over the filthiness of their tub and goes to church can overcome diversity.

Sad (and baffling) news. The koala in this picture, who was rescued from brushfires in Australia and became a "symbol of hope", has died of ... chlamydia. Apparently this STD affects 50 percent of the koala population. Who knew?

Lady Gaga ... a hermadphrodite?

Some dating advice

2009-08-08T14:30:00.000-04:00

If anyone is as interested as I am about the whole Paper Heart are-they-or-aren't-they debate, you can read all about it here. Apparently all the awkward, "real" moments between Charlyne and Michael were awkward and "real," not because they were together, but because they're just awkward, "real" people.

Perhaps they could have used these handy Cue Cards for the Dining Dead to stimulate their conversations.

And something that's important for all of us in relationships, or looking for one, or not looking for that matter, to know: wine makes sex better for women. Thank you, Italian scientists.

Also, according to Liv, Steven Tyler says you'll smell better if you put perfume in your belly button and on the soles of your feet.

When I grow up ...

2009-08-06T20:17:00.000-04:00

I've decided that when I grow up I want to be a muse, defined here as "an individual who inspires creative process, an icon that influences a designer or artist and a multi-talented free-spirited person who seeks to live life to the full." Especially if in my free time I can do photo shoots.

Of course, as a muse I will only use beautiful language, so I will prepare by learning and incorporating all of these words into my vocabulary, starting with my favorites - words I didn't even know existed - petrichor and tintinnabulation (which is a good example of onomatopoeia!).

I will continue my new-found love of documenting my life by taking photos of my drinks, but my drinks will be less well vodka sodas and more "blooming champagne cocktails".

I'll go back to baking, since as a muse I'll be "multi-talented" ... I'll probably come up with cute, trendy little baked goodies like these pie pops that are all over the food blogs now.

Since, as a muse, I will be a "free-spirited person who seeks to live life to the full," I will take these drives of a lifetime.

But first, I'll drive to Big Pine Key, since the new food critic at The New York Times claims it's the home of "the only credibly fantastic ham and pineapple pizza on Earth — no lie." Anyone know where exactly to find it?! I've done some preliminary research and it seems to be at No Name Pub, which has been around since 1931 and has a clothing optional policy.

Music Music Videos

2009-08-06T17:49:00.000-04:00

Some awesome videos and awesome music. Most of these are nominated for VMAs.

Anjulie - Boom

Chairlift - Evident Utensil

Major Lazer - Hold the Line

Another solution for the sex offenders?

2009-08-06T16:01:00.001-04:00

If they can't build a ship like these homeless guys in Poland, maybe they can become tour guides like the convicts in Italy?

Either way, it seems like cities all over the place are coming up with creative solutions to deal with their homeless/convict problems, why can't we? In fact, a friend told me that in NY, Mayor Bloomberg is offering sex offenders who can prove they have family in other states a free one-way ticket. Guess which state happens to be especially popular with these lucky sex-offenders?? Looks like we'll have to come up with a solution fast, before they run out of room at the Julia Tuttle. Maybe we can have them take care of the horses in the airport?

In any case, this article mentions that living under the bridge is "arguably even less enjoyable than prison." Yeah. Arguably. I pass by there twice a day, it's fucking prime real estate. They don't have to deal with mortgages or property taxes. They don't have to worry about their car getting broken into or getting a parking ticket (Speaking of cars, one of them drives a red VW beetle. Isn't that the car you'd least want a sex offender to be driving? Beetles just scream "Trust me, I'm friendly!"). It's like Lost without the smoke monster, polar bears, or the Others. And with access to the internet "@ your L." I get the whole potential human rights violations and everything ... it's just hard to feel sorry for them when you're driving along Biscayne Bay, beautiful view of the Miami skyline, and you see what looks like a picture-perfect camping spot. In fact, I'm wondering if tourists have driven to Miami Beach and wondered if they could pitch a tent right along the causeway too ...

Interestingly, all the pictures I can find focus on the people who live right underneath the bridge, where things aren't so pretty. I can't find any of the tents lined up along the causeway on the grass, underneath the palms.

I did find great pictures in Debra1's flickr, like this one, of one of the views they enjoy.

And here's one photo of what it looks like underneath the bridge.

It seems to me that if they have to live there, they should at least make it nice. I really think there's potential ... maybe spray paint some inspirational poetry down there to lift the spirits? Have someone stop by and pick up the trash for them every now and then?

In any case, check out the flickr set, it's interesting. As is the commentary. I imagine the person who took the photos feels a lot of sympathy for these people. I gotta say though - an open-air gym right by the water? Nice.

"Tex-Mex"?

2009-08-05T19:32:00.000-04:00

This exchange between editor Dodai from Jezebel and her mom is too cute, particularly because I could see this happening between me and my mom. I still remember receiving my mom's first text. Or, as she calls it, her first "tex-mex." It was weird.

Condoms, speedos and a solution for the Sex Offenders

2009-08-05T18:05:00.001-04:00

I don't really care one way or the other about Jon Gosselin, the dad from that stupid show on that stupid channel about a family with EIGHT kids (in fact, I care so little, that I'm not even going to look up a link for him or his show) and I wouldn't even know he existed if it wasn't because he and his wife divorced or seperated or whatever and he's been in the tabloids and therefore in blog-land. I also don't really care one way or the other about Joan Rivers either, but her comment on him? Awesome:

"Here's a guy with eight kids who runs off to 'find himself' -- well, he should have found himself a condom."

Sooooooooooo NSFW: "special" speedos for men. Ridiculous. Completely ridiculous.

Have they found a place for all the sex offenders currently under the Julia Tuttle Causeway to live? Maybe they could build a ship like these homeless guys.

About Demon Starfish

2009-08-05T12:38:00.001-04:00

Here where I work, we have a regular we like to call The Demon Starfish (this name came about when he insisted one of our coworkers was a demon because she smelled like starfish). Just to sketch this character out a little bit, this is what he has told us about himself:

He is currently suing someone in El Paso, Texas for sexual harassment.
He refuses to seek help from one of our coworkers when she's on the desk because he says that she attacks his magnetic force field.
He was once in a gang fight in Texas.

And this is what we know from dealing with him:

He asks at least once a day for phone numbers for people in Texas - Native American tribes, doctors, politicians, etc.
He once asked for the Pope's contact information because he (D.S.) invented a time machine and wanted to share this invention with the Pope.

Today, he handed the following to one of my coworkers:

It says (all misspellings are his) "una envitacion para Isabella pricesa de la Fiesta de la Flores." (an invitation for Isabella princess of the Festival of the Flowers)

Inside was:

A copy of the rules of conduct on which he wrote "Not Applicable" and

The "envitacion": "Your courtly invite to my home which is located at ... or Am I invited to yours." and

A letter: "Querida Isabella pricesa de las Flores, Dentro de la noche anteror las calma aguas de el atlantico abrasa la oria de las playas y las estrellas elumina la oscuridad. Pero el cansancio del dia me vino a llamar con su dulce voz, ella estuvo caminado sobre el mar as ta que vino a visitatarmen in gran tranquilida y dentro de la gran oscuridad los murcielagos en empezaro al volar y vine a caer dentro un gran sueno y en paz pero la gran pesadilla de la gran muerte de mi bella reina y nova enpesa y dentro de la noche, tu te aparese en gran tritesa con un ramo de Flores y una cruz. Mi lavos te vener a tocar y la luz de la Manana mi vine al desperta Isabella pricesa de las Flores. tu Amado Amirado Enrique Faustino Luna"

Attempt at translation: "My dear Isabella princess of the Flowers, During the night last night the calm waters of the atlantic embrace the shoreline of the beaches and the stars light up the dark. But the exhaustion of the day came calling me with its sweet voice, she was walking on the sea until she came to visit me in great tranquility and in the grand darkness the bats began to fly and I fell into a deep and peaceful sleep but a great nightmare of the great death of my beautiful queen and bride started and in the night you appeared in a great sadness with a branch of Flowers and a cross. My lips came to touch you and the light of the Morning came to wake me up Isabella princess of the Flowers. your loved admirer(?) E.F.L."

And last but not least, a random print-out of an email. With random things highlighted, like the ad for a $160,000 mortgage for as low as $633/month, and an email message that simply says "Are you there Luna?"

Are you there indeed.

"Right now I'm very obsessed with ... monsters. And playgirls."

2009-08-04T20:57:00.000-04:00

I HAD to post this. She seems like a character in a Quentin Tarantino movie to me.

"See how to be the big boss of the big cheese"

2009-08-04T20:06:00.001-04:00

In keeping with the whole soul-searching, life-changing kick I've been on lately, I've been reading books about people finding themselves. Specifically, I read Julie and Julia and am now reading My Life in France.

I didn't know much about Julia Child. I didn't know anything about her at all, actually. I just remember seeing her in her cooking show when I was a kid: tall, kind of goofy, with a really funny voice. The book is really a revelation ... I'm struck by what an amazing woman she was: curious, adventurous, passionate and strong-willed. And to think that she didn't even start cooking until her late 30s. Looking at her show now, it's difficult to reconcile the person I imagine when I read the book and the actual Julia Child on TV. It's kind of cool, actually, how she is just so unabashedly quirky and larger-than-life. What an inspiration she was.

Thankfully, Julie Powell, who was going through her own crisis a few years ago, started the Julie/Julia Project as a means of finding herself and in the process ended up with her book deal, which resulted in the movie deal, which has resulted in a whole lot of press about Julia Child. The more people know about her I think, the better.

If you want to be learn how to be the big boss of the big cheese souflee, you should go to PBS, where they are showing old episodes of The French Chef. At least watch the intro ... she's awesome.

Smart tipping and a (false?) dramaturg

2009-08-04T14:55:00.001-04:00

What to do if you're drunk and in the mood for some cow-tipping type of fun (even though you now know that cows kill!) but you're stuck in the middle of Amsterdam? How about some Smart Smijten?!

I mentioned the Happy Days blog previously; here is another amazing essay on doing what you love in life written by a man who realized that what he thought was just a diversion was actually making him happiest. Plus, it has pretty pictures.

Blueprint for Joy

2009-08-03T20:49:00.000-04:00

I got news yesterday that has seriously derailed my plans. I've been pinning all my hopes to this idea that I've had for the last few weeks, and you might think that because it's only been a few weeks, I shouldn't be as distraught as I am. But I've been doing a lot of thinking; reassesing what it is that I want in life, what it is that I want to be doing, what will make me happy, and like I mentioned in an earlier post, I keep thinking about what it was that I wanted when I was little.

Is it crazy to think that you are the most yourself when you are a child? I guess this may not be true for a lot of people, who may have grown up under difficult circumstances, but at a young age, what else can you be but you? There are no pretensions, no need to take on a persona to make it through the day. Your wishes and dreams are undiluted, as wild and impossible as they may be. And I'm still finding, after all these years of relationships, experiences, failures and, well, just, life, that those dreams are still appealing to me.

So, yes, I had figured out the path that was going to drop me off at exactly where I think I want to be, the path that would lead me to this happy life where I would feel (more)free, and now it's blocked. I'm feeling defeated. And trapped.

I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. And I'm not alone in this search for a more fulfilling and happy life. Whether it's the collective unconcious at work, or whether I'm just more attune to these things right now, or whether it's just one more thing we can blame on the recession, I'm finding evidence of other people struggling with the same things.

There's a Happy Days blog on The New York Times about the search for contentment, there's another blog called The Happiness Project about one woman's attempt to live out every tip and theory she could find on how to be happy. And just this morning, Diane Rehm featured Melanie Gideon who wrote a book called The Slippery Year about the process of transformation and rediscovering her passion for life.

So here we are, all trying to find happiness, or contentment, or peace, in our lives. I've read and re-read Tim Kreider's piece because he has put into words what it is that I want right now : happiness, yes, but also experiences, stories to tell. He writes, "Maybe we mistakenly think we want 'happiness,' which we tend to picture in very vague, soft-focus terms, when what we really crave is the harder-edged intensity of experience," and I feel like he almost has it. He's under the impression that happiness is ephemeral, that once you notice it, in the moment, it's gone ... that it's not something that can be enjoyed in the present but a feeling you get only after really living and being entirely absorbed in something. While I appreciate his belief that we must be "fully engaged in the business of living" in order to be happy afterwards, I also think it's possible to capture and enjoy moments of happiness as they happen. And I think that right now, despite having my plan rejected by the powers-that-be, or actually, because of it, I need to recognize moments of happiness.

I immediately thought of naming this endeavour the Happiness Project, since it seems like everyone has a "project" of some sort and it's the perfect sort of word. A project is an accomplishment, definitely, but it's not as strict or exacting as an assignment; there's a sort laziness to the word, a feeling like it's something you'll get around to on the weekends. But, of course, the Happiness Project already exists. So I'm calling it Blueprint to Joy. Because I like the way blueprint sounds on the tongue. And because maybe, as I try to sort out my next move, I can, in the meantime, build a life full of happy memories.

Thin Mints and Miniature Brides

2009-08-03T15:01:00.000-04:00

Another reason to hate Walmart! They're ripping off girl scouts everywhere! For a moment, I was actually happy about this because I have a HUGE thin mint obsession and somehow never seem to be in the right place at the right time to buy them. And since I don't exactly have a lot of friends with children, let alone children of girl scout age, I've missed "girl scout cookie" season more often than not. But they make a good point in the article - that part of the deliciousness of these cookies has to do with the fact that they are pretty rare, so getting a bright green box for your own is that much greater when it does happen. So yeah, fuck you Walmart.

And, if, like me, you don't have an insider girl scout connection, stay up-to-date about when they'll be selling cookies in your area here.

Here's a NY Times article on the movie Paper Heart that clears up some questions. (Well, questions I had anyway.)

Forget viral wedding dance videos. Being a miniature bride is where it's at! Leave it to the Asians to come up with such a bizarre wedding trend. Jezebel takes issue with it, and they make a good point. But ... if (our most amazing wedding photographer) Stephan Maloman had given us this option ... I think I would have done it!

"I won't be cowed"

2009-08-03T14:09:00.001-04:00

So it looks like you'd be better off running with bulls in Spain, where there have been a total of 15 deaths since 1924 (there's an encierro every day for 8 days, so 8 times however many years it's been since 1924 ... yeah. Do the math), than hanging around cows in the U.S., which activity results in about 20 deaths a year. Says one commenter: "I won't be cowed." Haha.

In other European news ... I was reading this blog post about having picnics by the water and it mentioned how it's so chic in Paris to have picnics by the Seine, which sounds oh-so romantic. But then I saw an actual picture of this event and thought, "Huh."

The blog post this picture belongs to is interesting, particularly for the (brief) history of guinguettes. But even though they might (MIGHT) have better food than we do, and even though they might (DEFINITELY) have better wine than we do, they still can't beat Miami for outdoor, waterside picnics. You could go anywhere in Miami Beach, Crandon Park, even parks like Margaret Pace that don't even have a beach, and it'll be nicer than sitting on concrete and/or cobblestones in front of a murky, polluted river. I mean, look at this picture, not even one of our nicer or more successful picnics (actually I don't think there was any food at this particular "picnic") but still, you get the idea ...

By the way, this gorgeous picture was taken by my friend Frankie.

L'Orchestre d'Hommes-Orchestres

2009-08-02T20:56:00.000-04:00

Let me present to you one of the most amazing things I've seen and heard in a while. I can't begin to explain how much I love this. L'Orchestre d'Hommes-Orchestres is Django Reinhardt meets O Brother Where Art Thou meets Tilly and the Wall. On a bus. It's brilliant. Why don't we have fun street theater like this in Miami? I mean, Disco Guy and Tinkerbell and Rooster Guy are all cool ... but, come on. I think I'll run away to Canada and join a street theater group ...

Dita

2009-08-02T20:26:00.000-04:00

There will be lots and lots of posts about Dita von Teese on here guys. Just warning you. She is my most favorite style icon, even though I don't really have any interest in ALWAYS dressing pin-up perfect, I still adore her. Coincidentally, my other two favorites right now are Beyonce and Lady Gaga.

Anyway, here are some pictures of her. Not only is she NOT wearing heels (Remember Coachella? It was SUCH a big deal then.) BUT she's also NOT wearing fake eyelashes. In fact, her makeup is pretty minimal, no eyeliner even.

God, I would love to go thrifting with her.

She was tweeting something about dirndls and how great they are a couple days ago ... here she is wearing one. Of course, it looks good on her.

You'll be as happy as a hooker at a hot dog stand

2009-08-01T19:32:00.001-04:00

Who doesn't love finding some stranger's notes or drawings lying around? I remember when I was 13 finding, on the stairs at a hotel, little scraps of notebook paper that I tucked into my journal. I imagined some cute boy with floppy hair, a nerdy cardigan and a superior intellect who was just looking for the girl of his dreams (me!) had left them behind. I don't know why I imagined this, especially because the notes were not in any way indicative of some superior intellect. If I remember correctly, one of them said "Will you meet me sometime and share with me the correct way to wear a wig in summer?"

Anyway, this curiosity into other people's minds and lives is why Found exists. It's why I love the Detective Stories episode of Radiolab more than any of the other ones (Short recap: A man and a woman are traveling down Route 101. Suddenly, the woman tells the man to pull over, because she just saw a goat standing on top of a cow. It takes come convincing, but finally, he turns the car around to go back to that field, and lo and behold, there is a goat, standing on top of a cow. They get out of the car, to get a closer look, and find hundreds of letters along the road. They forget all about the goat and the cow and start picking up all the letters that they can find. Turns out they were all written by different men to one woman ... ). And it's why, of all the wonderful passive-aggressive notes on passiveaggressivenotes.com, THESE are the best ones. You can really piece together a strange history there.

If you're into found notes like I am, you'll be as a happy as a hooker at a hot dog stand.

Another thing to be incredibly happy about: a pseudo-Seinfeld reunion on Curb Your Enthusiasm. As if it wasn't great enough already that Curb is coming back for another season, we now have a fake Seinfeld reunion to look forward to as well!

And as if HBO wasn't great enough already? There's a new show, Bored to Death, coming in September with Jason Schwartzman (I Heart Huckabees!) and Zach Galifianakis (best-known for the Hangover, but really, Between Two Ferns is better). The trailer for the show promises Kristen Wiig (Brahbrah!) and Parker Posy (the original Party Girl!) as well! Why can't all TV just be HBO and Showtime? Are the other channels (ok, ok, with the exception of Lost and Mad Men and 30 Rock and It's Always Sunny) doing ANYTHING worth watching?

Speaking of Lost, Charlie is coming back!

Looking for a job? Put your resume on your tshirt! You never know when you might be standing in front of someone who would like to hire you!

I feel bad for this guy thinking a mango-flavored candy is as good as a real mango. Even if it is Japanese (they make all the best candies!), he obviously has never eaten a mango plucked off the tree from someone's yard in Miami.

And last but not least, the mustache has been rescued from the clutches of hipsters everywhere and been repurposed as a means of political protest by the Brazilians. (an English explanation can be found here)

Paper Hearts

2009-08-01T19:06:00.000-04:00

Remember the stoner girlfriend from Knocked Up?

Well, now she's gone and made this movie that is maybe a documentary (or maybe not) about her relationship with Michael Cera, which made a lot of people take note because she may be 33 and he was 20, but which doesn't really matter anymore because apparently they've broken up.

The movie looks good though.

Doofy husbands, Scary gymnasts

2009-07-31T17:09:00.000-04:00

Sarah Haskins, absolutely AWESOME:

Also AWESOME? Gymnasts dealing with a bunch of "bad guys":

"Beauty is so difficult."

2009-07-31T15:42:00.000-04:00

This article on Venice is long and beautiful (as are the photographs). It's written in a way that makes you want to linger over phrases and re-read whole paragraphs. It's written in a way that makes you wish you had the talent to describe your own experiences so poetically. I suppose have such a poetic subject to write about helps.

In any case, this is the best part:

...One fall day not long ago two children, 12 and 13, from Grosseto, a town in Tuscany, decided to run away. Their parents disapproved of their romance, so they saved and spent their allowance on a train to Venice. They walked narrow streets paved in stone and lingered on the bridges that vault the canals. Night approached, and with it the need for a place to stay. They arrived at the Hotel Zecchini, a modest guesthouse with an inviting orange-and-white awning. The clerk heard a small voice ask about a room, looked up, saw nothing, leaned over the desk, and looked into the faces of two children. Skeptical of their story about an aunt who would arrive soon, he gently questioned them, listened, then called the carabinieri.

"Such innocence and tenderness. They just wanted to be together," said Elisa Semenzato, the hotel manager. When the carabinieri arrived, they took the pair on a tour of the city in their boat, then to district headquarters in a former convent and put them to bed in very separate rooms. The next day they were served a three-course meal on a table set with linens in a hall facing the 15th-century courtyard.

Romance triumphs; reality intrudes. The parents, less than enchanted with the Romeo and Juliet narrative acted out by their children, arrived that afternoon to take them back to Grosseto, away from the soft ache of first love and the gilded beauty of Venice.

Kisses end. Dreams vanish, and sometimes cities too. We long for the perfect ending, but the curtain falls along with our hearts.

Beauty is so difficult.

It couldn't be a secret for long ...

2009-07-29T13:09:00.000-04:00

Unfortunately / Fortunately, the Thrillist email sent out today started off with this:

Party: Nightdrive Relaunches
Thursdays, 10pm to 4am: 6445 NE 7th Ave (NE 64th St, east of Biscayne); Upper East Side, Miami; 305.759.3682, 305.914.5298
Nightdrive's relocating to the revampedHarvey's By The Bay in Miami's first America Legion post, to shower you with free billiards, $2 drafts, $6 pitchers, $3.50 wells, free parking, no cover, a boat ramp if you're arriving by jetski, and indie rock, electro pop, and disco spun by Jonathan Brody, Mike Deuce, and DJPJ, who just has to open that little flap on his onezies to drop a Mike.

I gotta say, even though I wanted Harvey's to stick around ... I'm still bummed. Thursdays were our night to go hang out without having to be in a "scene" ... damn hipsters. They ruin everything. I'm so over "indie rock, electro pop and disco".

Girls, Degrees in English, Fizzy Milk and Freaking Out

2009-07-28T20:05:00.000-04:00

Girls on YouTube are so great, don't you think? There's this, and this, and this, and now this. As a former copy editor and a person in possession of a BA in English, I approve this video.

Speaking of having a BA in English, check out my friend Hans' blog post on the topic. Because I feel the same way.

Fizzy milk from Coca-Cola? No, thank you.

Another awesome girl: Rachel Young heard that some guy made a topographical alphabet using Google Maps and that it took him 6 months. So she did the same thing. It took her 3 days.

Possibly an awesome new cosmetics line? I'm sort of skeptical though, check out their website ... what do you think?

This really IS the greatest freak-out ever. (Thanks, Joey!)

According to this article, these are the 32 trips of a lifetime ... I don't know ... I don't really care about most of them, but I WOULD love to go to China to be in my own opera, and to go to Argentina to eat and drink at all the best restaurants, and definitely India for a two-day royal birthday party, and Croatia for a masquerade ball with politicians and ambassadors (sounds like something out of a James Bond movie).

Here's a question ... why does Berlin have beach bars and we have none? I mean really, if you want to hang out on the sand and have a drink here you can go ... to the Marriott Courtyard? No thanks. I miss Penrod's.

Rick Steves and David Sedaris? Yes please!

Horses, Butterflies, Roast Chicken, Oh My!

2009-07-25T16:52:00.000-04:00

Horse racing! At Miami International Airport! Because this city isn't surreal enough as it is, we should bring in a bunch of quarter horses and have them race around in the parking lot. Maybe in between Boeing 737's! Having horses in an airport makes about as much sense as having sex offenders live under a bridge.

In other animal news ... Damien Hirst, the man behind The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living, which we just saw at the Met a few weeks ago, decorated a bicycle with butterfly wings and Lance Armstrong is riding it in the Tour de France. People are, understandably, mad ... I don't know that I care all that much. Butterflies are beautiful, yeah, one of the best things ever is the butterfly conservatory in Key West, but don't they live for a day or something? Maybe his assistants (of course, an artist of his stature doesn't actually make the art) plucked their wings after they died? I just think it's weird that Lance Armstrong and Bono are involved in the possible butterfly massacre.

I was really happy when I read about the newest viral wedding video. But then I saw it. And was sorely sorely disappointed. We could do it so much better ...

I love Bon Iver and I love Twilight. But I don't love them together.

Spin put out a list of the 20 best albums of 2009 ... so far (why not?!) and guess who's (deservedly) listed FIRST?!

I really couldn't have described Gwyneth Paltrow's cooking video better myelf.

On travel ...

2009-07-22T14:50:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking more and more about my need to travel. I had two plans for my life when I was little, these were the things that would spring into my head when people asked the inevitable "What do you want to be when you grow up?" (Which, by the way, I always hated. You guys too?): a world traveler and a professional student. But, being young and, sadly, conventional, these didn't seem like appropriate answers, so I would come up with a substitute. Based on whatever I happened to be interested in at the moment: marine biologist, underwater photographer, art historian, journalist ...

Now that I'm going through a bit of a crisis (and I mean that in a good way) and I'm trying to figure out who I am, I'm thinking the desires of my childhood may be one good place to start.

So traveling.

Because of fabulous parents, I traveled frequently when I was younger, and my parents were the sort of travelers who chose to up and leave from one week to the next, arriving with a vague sort of notion about what to do, renting a car, finding a map, and then just winging it along the way. Guidebooks were non-existant. (When we arrived in Cancun, Mexico, with no plans to speak of, my dad let my brother, sister and I each pick one activity that we liked from the billboards that lined the road leading away from the airport. It was an amazing vacation. Swimming in an underground river, taking a submarine trip out to a reef - complete with a real-life mermaid, no less - to go snorkeling, and watching my first bullfight. Thanks, dad.)

Now that I'm older, I want to continue that tradition of traveling and being open to all the bizarre, risky and exciting things that go along with it. But since we live in the times we do, and I have a job working for the man (as opposed to being self-employed as my parents were) all I can do for the moment is read. So that in the future (soon, soon please!) I can set out on all the adventures I deserve. Like being given a balloon so that the delivery boy can easily spot me sitting along the river after ordering a bacon-and-pineapple pizza. Or scouring ancient marches aux puces for serendipitous treasures. Or going to see the Paris of the East.

For those of you who want to join me in computer chair-travel, check out these airfare tips and the hotel-porn that is Tablet Hotels. One of my favorite websites ever.

Some reasons to start dancing flamenco again...

2009-07-21T19:17:00.000-04:00

I could wear this dress, which has been my ideal, "when-I'm-famous-and-dancing-in-a-smoky-tablao-in-Spain" dress since the first time I put on "character" shoes at the age of 8. Seriously, I once had a vivid dream about my Abuela making this dress for me ... and here it is ... more perfect than I had imagined it. (Yes, the back is open down-to-there):

Or I could go with this new (to me anyway) trend of short flamenco dresses:

Or maybe just stick with a good classic:

If I had been dancing a couple years ago when I got married, maybe I would have gone with a flamenco-themed wedding?

By the way, insanely gratifying? The fact that the models for flamenco fashion shows are not all a size 0:

All pictures taken from simof.net