About Demon Starfish

Here where I work, we have a regular we like to call The Demon Starfish (this name came about when he insisted one of our coworkers was a demon because she smelled like starfish). Just to sketch this character out a little bit, this is what he has told us about himself:

• He is currently suing someone in El Paso, Texas for sexual harassment.
• He refuses to seek help from one of our coworkers when she's on the desk because he says that she attacks his magnetic force field.
• He was once in a gang fight in Texas.

And this is what we know from dealing with him:

• He asks at least once a day for phone numbers for people in Texas - Native American tribes, doctors, politicians, etc.
• He once asked for the Pope's contact information because he (D.S.) invented a time machine and wanted to share this invention with the Pope.

Today, he handed the following to one of my coworkers:

It says (all misspellings are his) "una envitacion para Isabella pricesa de la Fiesta de la Flores." (an invitation for Isabella princess of the Festival of the Flowers)


Inside was:

A copy of the rules of conduct on which he wrote "Not Applicable" and

The "envitacion": "Your courtly invite to my home which is located at ... or Am I invited to yours." and



A letter: "Querida Isabella pricesa de las Flores, Dentro de la noche anteror las calma aguas de el atlantico abrasa la oria de las playas y las estrellas elumina la oscuridad. Pero el cansancio del dia me vino a llamar con su dulce voz, ella estuvo caminado sobre el mar as ta que vino a visitatarmen in gran tranquilida y dentro de la gran oscuridad los murcielagos en empezaro al volar y vine a caer dentro un gran sueno y en paz pero la gran pesadilla de la gran muerte de mi bella reina y nova enpesa y dentro de la noche, tu te aparese en gran tritesa con un ramo de Flores y una cruz. Mi lavos te vener a tocar y la luz de la Manana mi vine al desperta Isabella pricesa de las Flores. tu Amado Amirado Enrique Faustino Luna"


Attempt at translation: "My dear Isabella princess of the Flowers, During the night last night the calm waters of the atlantic embrace the shoreline of the beaches and the stars light up the dark. But the exhaustion of the day came calling me with its sweet voice, she was walking on the sea until she came to visit me in great tranquility and in the grand darkness the bats began to fly and I fell into a deep and peaceful sleep but a great nightmare of the great death of my beautiful queen and bride started and in the night you appeared in a great sadness with a branch of Flowers and a cross. My lips came to touch you and the light of the Morning came to wake me up Isabella princess of the Flowers. your loved admirer(?) E.F.L."



And last but not least, a random print-out of an email. With random things highlighted, like the ad for a $160,000 mortgage for as low as $633/month, and an email message that simply says "Are you there Luna?"


Are you there indeed.